I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
