I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
