I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
