People in love make me want to vomit
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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