I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
