dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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