oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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