I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize