I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
