I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Randomize
