idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
