Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
