and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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