I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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