My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
