If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
She tied me up with her honor cords...
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
