the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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