he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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