i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Randomize
