Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
