Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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