Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
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