If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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