He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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