I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
