Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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