I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i can't believe i had my finger in that
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Oh god it's open bar.
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