Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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