Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
