I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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