she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
