Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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