i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
