yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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