yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
