I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
