So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
