found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
