The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
