Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
