my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
pray to the hookup gods
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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