There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
