do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize