Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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