This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
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He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
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Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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