I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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