i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
