If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
nutella sex= disaster
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
