I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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