Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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