Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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