is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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