did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
