It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
