Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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