I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
