so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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