i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
