Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize