WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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