I think my fart just growled at me.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
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