Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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