i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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