Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
A bitchslap is in order.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
