I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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