he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Vodka?
Forever.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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