Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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