I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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