This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
