Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
