I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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