he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
