My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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